What story do you have about yourself? About your life, problems? Is it a story in which you have lost control, or do you have control? Can you hurt yourself, or is it waiting for others?

Everyone has a story about themselves. It is our story about who we are.  A big and long story, about characteristics, skills, possibilities and impossibilities.

We often think that this story is 'real'. Someone can think of themselves as smart, because they have studied. Tough, because he has muscles, or worthless, because he has just lost his job. 

The story doesn't add up

The interesting thing is, the story about yourself is not at all 'real', or objective. It's what we tell ourselves, to accept as truth. Often passed over what others said (maybe you recognize some of what your parents said in the judgments about yourself). But, someone can just decide to change the story. Someone who thinks they are worthless may decide that they are not. It won't happen just by itself (thinking often happens by itself, and if someone thinks they are worthless for a long time, it can be quite deep), but you can change your story.

Changing your story can bring a lot of benefits. It can make you dare to do things that you now feel inhibited in. That you dare to pursue dreams, which you don't feel good enough for now. Because suddenly you're good enough, you've got the guts, or you've decided to no longer let 'but what if' scenarios lead your life.

Your story about your pain is a small, or perhaps by now large, story. What does your story look like? Follow possibilities, or impossibilities? Maybe like a fairy tale, waiting for the one day that the solution will occur (the white prince in the operating room? The magic pill?). Do you have the key to success, or is there an annoying gatekeeper who has your key?

Stories that do work

How would you like your story to look like? When it comes to pain, at least enough research has been done into stories that help people. If you change stories, you can use these tips:

- Optimism: A story with positive expectations in the future, provides more positivity in the future!

- Directing yourself: A story in which you make the decisions yourself, are the steersman of your own life, delivers faster results.

- Self-esteem: A story in which you value yourself positively (instead of being excessively self-critical), leads to better results. 

- Yes, but: By stop saying 'yes, but in my case' in your story, you are a lot faster where you want to be. 

- Compare with yourself: Do not compare your progress with others, but with yourself. Make a story about your progress and compare yourself with yourself, not with others.